[10:54 PM / Saturday / March 17, 2019]
I have no idea what I wanna say but there is a little something inside my chest that I feel like expressing. I’ve been very calm for quite some time now. My life is far from perfect, I still struggle with some unhealthy habits, I have no clue where I’m going in life but I’m, surprisingly, not freaking out and it feels so, so, relieving. I’m trying to figure out ways to lessen self-destructive behavior. I used to obsess over the past and over the future so much that it made me unhealthy. I used to suffer all the time and it’s all because of the way I was treating myself, my thoughts and my mind. Of course, I still think about the past and the future but it’s so different now. Nowadays I think about both in a way that does not bring me down, in a way that makes me appreciate myself, and life in general, more. I appreciate my patience, my willingness to try again, my willingness to learn from painful situations and the effort I put into learning, growing and improving. I’m glad I decided to ask for help. That decision saved my life. I look back and all I can say is that, if you want to get better, improve yourself and your life, and be healthy, the first thing you have to do is stop being bitter. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Life happens, we make unhealthy decisions, we go through things we don’t deserve but think about it; what’s the best you can do in those situations? I think the best option is to learn from it, accept it no matter how hard it is and move on. Moving on means choosing to live life focusing and doing things that make you happy. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just listing some healthy possibilities that make life easier by practicing them. I’m mad sometimes, I think about how life is unfair sometimes, but I’m never bitter. And I’m not bitter because I choose not to be. I choose to be grateful instead. I choose not to waste my life counting what I’ve lost when there are so, so many good things I have in life. I’m healthy, I’m able to make healthy decisions, I have a family (a little crazy but oh well), I have not one, but two homes, in two different countries, I have a few friends who treat me the way I deserve to be treated and I have an endless wish to learn, grow and improve. I have a camera that I use for my creativity, I have a bunch of books that help my brain develop, I have this blog where I shamelessly write about my life and still feel good about it. All of that is priceless and remembering that every day is what makes life worth living. I’m sure that you, the person reading this, can also list quite a few amazing things that you usually take for granted. Write them down, remember how much they mean to you. I’ll never stop saying this; ask for help!!! You can try to paint a picture but ego is a transparent thing, easy to read and it’s present way before you are. Your energy can be felt before you say a single word. Talk to someone reliable, confront how you truly feel, use your possibilities. Focus on what benefits you. My dear people, before you start thinking your problems can’t be solved and that I’m probably someone who has a perfect life, please remember I’m someone who has just recently recovered from depression. I understand why people feel hopeless. I understand why people don’t want to leave the house. The things I write about are not just words to make me sound wise, it’s what I believe in, it’s what I know helps, and I know it from my own experience. The ‘it gets better’ really exists, recovery is real. Life will never be perfect, it just gets easier when you start choosing yourself and doing what’s good for you. Self-care is not selfish. People not being happy with decisions that you make believing they’re the best for you is not one of your responsibilities. You’re your only responsibility. Learn, grow, improve and then help others do the same.
Health, love, and light to everyone.
Love, Albesa
Albesa's journal 