Afraid and unstoppable at the same time

[8:27 PM / Monday / August 12, 2018]

Sometimes I wonder where I’m going and where I’m gonna end up. Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna get lost in whatever path I choose to follow. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m strong enough or brave enough to handle the cruel reality brought by life itself. I know who I am and I know what I’m capable of doing but I’m afraid you know? No matter how strong I think I am, there’s always this certain amount of fear following me everywhere I go. Fear mixed with doubt I’d say. I’m a very positive person and I try to learn from every situation I find myself in but there’s always this never-ending ‘but’. ‘But what’? I ask myself, ‘why are you always trying to find something to be afraid of ?’ I ask myself. What is it so enormous and giant that can take over me so easily? Is it really there or is it just a product of my past experiences? Whatever it is, I have decided that it’s not gonna stop me anymore. I’m gonna confront it even if it starts feeling unbearable. I may be scared but that won’t stop me from following what my heart wants me to do. I may have a hurtful tornado inside of my chest, but what if it’s only hurtful because I treat it badly? Maybe I have to treat it as a beautiful part of mother nature and it becomes peaceful like the ocean?

I tell myself;

‘Nature is wild, unpredictable and scary but that hasn’t stopped people from hugging lions. Everything seems to be a little chaotic but with the right mindset, approach, effort and determination, even the wildest dreams can become a part of your reality. And remember, neither you or your dreams have to make sense to somebody else besides you.’

Love, Albesa

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