From corona virus to narcissism

Wednesday / October 28, 2020

I’ve been sick for the last couple of days; very sick. I’ve been having terrible headaches, I have a sore throat, my nose is blocked and my entire body hurts. I don’t know if it’s my veganism or something else, but I really never get sick. I don’t want to sound too dramatic, however, for someone who never gets sick, this is dramatic. Now, getting sick wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me if it wasn’t right when corona virus is spreading more than ever. I got tested today (yesterday in fact, as it’s past midnight now). I’ll have to wait up to 48 hours to get my results. The testing itself wasn’t that bad, but I must admit I’m afraid of it being positive. Staying at home, in my room for 14 days would make me quite miserable as I’m someone who needs at least one walk a day to help soothen my anxiety. I have a house full of people and they would all have to be in isolation as well.  My sister in law, who’s mostly in our house, is in her last weeks of pregnancy so yeah, it wouldn’t be too great for her to get infected. I have a feeling it’s negative, but who knows. I’m not in track with anything at the moment, literally anything. There is so much work I have to catch up on; academic and personal. I will, I say, let me just be healthy again. On days like these, you just want that, health. We take it for granted; I know I do. Sometimes I stress about something so much, and only now when I’m at risk and don’t know what’s going on do I realize how silly I can be sometimes. I really need to stop beating myself up so much. I need to stop feeling guilty for literally everything. I will study, I will clean my room, I will do this, I will do that, I will do everything, but eventually. Non of it is running away, and neither am I. I’ll do it all and it will be just fine; I really need to understand that. Oh btw; I talked to someone who I thought was great but turned out to be a very narcissistic person. I thought this person and I were building a solid friendship but I ended up feeling like I gave too much and gained nothing. But your girl has learned to say no and set boundaries. I said no, and I said bye. I will be writing a more in depth story on my experiences with narcissistic people and what I’ve learned from those relationships. What I have to say for now is this: trust your instinct, don’t ignore red flags, gut feelings are real and most importantly, respect yourself, a l w a y s!

Until the next story, please keep your distance, be responsible, stay safe and take care of yourself and the people around. Wishing everyone a corona free time, haha, lol (lame).

♡ Albesa 


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