It’s just life sometimes, you know? (a random attack of mixed emotions)

[1:55 AM, Friday, January 11, 2019.]

What an exciting first post of the year, yay, yay, yay! I’m writing this with tears in my eyes and a thousand emotions in my heart. The last couple of days have been challenging and what can your girl do besides stay up all night, overthink, write and cry, hehe? All jokes aside, I’m doing good, it’s just life sometimes, you know? I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to protect everyone from everything and it really breaks my heart when people who I love and admire suffer for one reason or another. I know, it’s life, not feeling well sometimes is so normal and absolutely inevitable but oh man I just really wish I didn’t have to be like that. These couple of days have been challenging because I’ve seen my mom cry and I’ve seen my dad’s bags under his eyes. I’ve felt it with my own body how tired they are. I love my parents so much. I once thought they were perfect, then I suffered because I realized they weren’t perfect and now, here I am not even wanting them to be perfect. Our dear parents are just human beings who get mad, get sad, yell for some irrelevant stuff because they’ve had enough for the day. They make mistakes, big ones, small ones. What I want to express today is that I’m not mad at my parents for anything. Have they ever hurt me? Yes, they did. Have they ever disappointed me? Yes, they did. Was it ever their intention to hurt their own child? Absolutely not. That’s the only thing that matters to me at this point in life. It’s such relief that I’m able to understand the background of a certain situation, not only the final product. My parents may not be as open-minded as I am, my parents may not think that my ideas are the best ideas ever but I’m so okay with it. I love them with my whole entire heart and nothing will ever be strong enough to change that. Moving on to another subject; I’m recovering from my leg surgery, the recovery requires a lot of patience and patience is painful sometimes. I’ve been laying in bed for almost a month now doing absolutely nothing except overdosing myself with the Internet. I’ve been wanting to finish this one book that I really like but what can I say, my just brain won’t cooperate. Another thing I really want to include here: make sure your happiness and good mood don’t depend on other people. Remember who you are, remember your value, and remember you’re not always the big loser who sucks. It’s not always you, sometimes it’s the other people who just can’t see certain stuff. That’s pretty much it. I wish you all health, love and light.

Oh, and yeah, don’t forget to tell your parents you love them (and everyone else)

Love, Albesa 

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