Explaining myself

There’s this one song called ‘Perfect’ by a band called Sum 41 which is hands down one of my favorite songs ever. I feel like I’m so under pressure to be good and kind all the time that I almost made myself believe that I’m too careful for making mistakes, even the smallest ones. I know, it’s ridiculous, but I think I really almost made myself believe that I’m not gonna make mistakes anymore. What I want to explain to myself is that being kind and good doesn’t prevent making mistakes because they happen spontaneously and you don’t really plan making them. It’s hard to define the word mistake because sometimes what we do makes so much sense in our head that we don’t see anything wrong with it or how someone else could react to it. As a person who is always willing to learn and grow, I’m learning to think about every person involved in my actions and think about if my actions make sense to them at least a little. Of course, not everything we do will make sense to other people, that’s not even neccessary, but if other people are involved in something we’re doing, we might as well make sure they don’t get hurt or something. See, I’m constantly worried if people will understand me or not, if people will know what exactly I want to say or not. I wish I could understand that that’s literally impossible because we understand things based on how we are and what we know, not how others are which explains why we’ll never be able to please everyone. These days I feel tired of trying to make sense to everyone because no matter what I do, there’s always going to be someone who’s not completely fine with it. Knowing that I’ve disappointed people is a very sad fact that really gets to me even though disappointing people I care about was never my intention. It’s not about caring more or less about someone/something, it’s doing what you think it’s the right thing to do even though you know you won’t please everyone with your actions. Sometimes the things you do for something really great don’t make sense but I think they’re hard to understand because they’re personal and personal things are hard to understand unless you’ve experienced something simmilar yourself. My dear people, make your life a lot more easier, quit expecting people to understand you. You understanding yourself is more important.  I’ve been thinking about the point of life in general but no matter how much I think about it, I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that question. I guess we should just keep living no matter what. Life is more than sadness and disappointments. They say those things make us stronger, can I believe it?

Love, Albesa

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