[5:27 AM / Monday / December 3, 2018]
Another sleepless night…we might as well do something good right? On a good note though, this is the first time I’m writing about a sleepless night without it having to be because of depression and anxiety. This time, it’s mostly because of my brother’s very, very loud snoring which is quite painful for my poor ears and brain. Anyway. My mental health therapy has been my number one priority for a long time now. I haven’t written about it that much and today, that’s exactly what I want to give attention to. My first therapy ever was done back in 2014. I was a 16-year-old highschool student who couldn’t afford a regular therapy which is why I went to therapy like twice a year until I started regular therapy in September this year. As I’ve written about it before, I dropped out of college because of depression and anxiety, got a job a few months later, and was finally able to earn money and pay for the much needed regular therapy sessions. I started seeing a therapist in September, she recommended therapy once a week and that’s how we did it. I would go to her office once a week and talk about whatever I needed to get out of my chest. It took me four therapy sessions to feel a little better. Between those first four sessions, I was full of fear, full of doubt, I was a skeptic questioning the point of me going to therapy but I managed to stay patient and keep going. I don’t exactly know how it worked but it did. I started feeling healthier after every session. I couldn’t believe it was starting to work, and it did right when I stopped overthinking about it. I’ve learned to cope with things in a healthy way, I’ve learned to treat myself better, I’ve learned to communicate with my emotions and my needs. I’ve learned to set boundaries which I had never done in my 21 years of life. I’ve learned to live with my past, not in it. I’ve learned about being present in life, not constantly keeping my mind in the past or future, which is in a lot of cases the cause of anxiety. I had my last regular therapy a few days ago. I really can’t believe that it took me only three months of therapy to learn to live with all of the toxic and unhealthy things that have happened in the last five years of dealing with depression. Two months vs. five years. My dear people, the only thing that you need for a healthier version of yourself is a tiny little drop of willingness. Willingness for health, learning and improving. If you’re fortunate enough to be able to afford a therapist, please give it a go. If you’re not able to afford it right now, stay patient, keep living, keep doing your best even if that means simply brushing your teeth, just make sure it’s on your priority checklist! It’s by far the best thing I’ve ever given money for. It has given me my life back, it has given me my health back. I feel normal after such a long time. I feel healthier than I’ve ever been because I’ve learned to say ‘it’s okay’ instead of freaking out even more. The most amazing thing is to realize that the ‘it gets better’ quote is actually true. It really gets better, so so much better. I once wrote in one of my stories ‘this darkness is not your forever’ and knowing how I was feeling back in the day I’m not sure how much I believed in the words I was writing but I’m happy that I’m alive and living and proving my own words. Life is unpredictable, and very chaotic sometimes but when we learn to manage our thoughts properly, we meet a whole different level of peace which we have probably last felt as children. So that’s my advice. Go after your peace even if that means going to therapy and opening up / crying / having breakdowns in front of a stranger. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all human and we’re all vulnerable and at some point in life, we all need a hand to help us find our light again.
Thank you to my dear therapist Suncana for being an incredible therapist and helping me get my long lost health back. You are truly amazing.