Being understanding towards myself

Saturday / February 5, 2022.

I don’t even know what I wanna write to be honest. I just know I want to write. So here I am. I’m at the mall, just finished my (vegan) crepe and now I’m sitting here thinking about what I’d like to share this time. I just came back from Kosovo. I’ve mentioned it before how Kosovo feels weird since my grandma passed away. I enjoy it but I also feel a bit empty when I’m there; I don’t really know how to put that into words. I had fun, I also froze to death a couple times haha, I met a friend from Twitter who’s extremely kind, aaaand I also met someone who I had been talking to on and off for 5 months. I’m not gonna go into details because if I write about them on my blog it starts feeling waaay to important and they’re not, so I’m just gonna keep it short. I would, however, like to write about my experience. I met the person, I realised their intentions were completely different than mine, and we’re not compatible at all. I think I’ve tolerated this person too much, and it was because I was curious to see them in person (since that’s what he kept mentioning), but nothing happened. We met, we had fun, but there was no talk about where the talking stage was going, there was no talk about intentions or anything. In fact, this person told me ‘I didn’t know you liked me’, to which I answered ‘why would I talk to you for that long if I didn’t like you?’- I know people talk to others out of boredom and everything, but he got to know me very well and he knew that wasn’t the case. Anyway, if nothing, I got a confirmation that we’re simply not for each other and that’s totally okay. I hope he figures it out. What else do I have to write about? Nothing very specific happened. Me and my sister discovered a new vegetarian and vegan restaurant in Prizren, and we were so happy because there aren’t many vegan options in Kosovo, and you know, your girl is vegan and likes to eat a lot. The place is very nice and cozy, simple and comfortable. I even took my friend from Twitter there, and she liked the food too. When it comes to meeting new people, I feel like I’m more open for that than I used to be before. It must be due to my mindset and my state of mental wellbeing. Now that I’ve learned to function with all my mental struggles, I think I have nothing against meeting new people. I’m very protective of my energy though; which means I need to be around the right people because otherwise I’m just gonna end up feeling drained and that’s not something to look forward to. I’ve been struggling big time for the last three months. This last episode of depression was long and intense as hell, but I think I’m slowly starting to feel okay again. I’m sitting at the mall, alone, not bothered about how I will be perceived by others. To some, I’m probably gonna look like a desperate loner, to some I’m probably gonna look mad, and to some, I’m gonna look badass; because look, this girl is sitting there doing her thing and enjoys her own company enough in order to have a good time. And the third is the truth. Just saying. And that alone, compared to the stories I’ve written years ago, is simply amazing. I’m happy to be here and I’m happy to be making progress. Oh and yeah, it was my 5th anniversary on WordPress. Where did time go? Here’s to more years of writing, more stories, sad ones, happy ones and most importantly, authentic ones. Sending love to however needs it. Just realised this is my first story of the year. Happy new year (one month later lol!)

Till next time,

♡, Albesa

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