[3:56 AM / Tuesday / October 9, 2018]
Sometimes I find myself digging deep into my thoughts, deep into my existence searching for answers. I have a lot of questions but today, I am only truly interested in this one; why was I unhappy? A lot of things come into my mind but here are some of the most important ones:
1: I used to obsess over things that bothered me instead of focusing on what was bringing me joy and peace. I thought about those things all the time, not knowing that I could actually control my negative thoughts and replace them with some happy ones, which is what I do now. You can learn how to control your thoughts by communicating with your inner persona as if it was your best friend. If your best friend was being rude to you, you would tell them about it, ask them why they were treating you like that and then ask them to treat you like you deserve to be treated, right? Do that same exact thing with your inner persona that keeps mistreating you. This is not easy at all, it requires a lot of hard work and determination. Do it anyway!!!
2: I used to waste my energy thinking I could control things when in reality, you and your life are the only things you’ll ever be able to control. For example; the effort somebody else puts into a certain relationship is not up to you. Save yourself from thinking people will treat you like you treat them. Remember the good, old rule; if it really matters to them, they will do it. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll stop trying so hard. The energy you recieve is the energy you’ll be giving back. Be prepared for the possible (upcoming) changes in your relationships with people.
3: I used to force myself to be comfortable with things that felt the most uncomfortable for me; explaining people why I needed to be alone (multiple times), explaining people why I enjoyed staying at home (multiple times), going to places where I didn’t want to go so I wouldn’t let down people who felt the opposite.. Stop explaining yourself so much. The shortest, yet the most meaningful explanation is the fact that you didn’t want to do it, and not wanting to do something is completely fine, unlike forcing yourself to do stuff you don’t feel like doing!
When you’re just learning to stand up for yourself and do what you want, there will be people who will disagree with your decisions. People disagreeing with you might cause them negative emotions but please remember that that’s not your responsibility. People not disagreeing with you is not a comfortable place for you to be in but it is very, very normal. You will eventually get used to it. Don’t blame yourself for standing up for yourself and doing what feels right for you.
The only way to happiness is following your heart so if a certain thing is not in your heart, don’t bother thinking you can make it magically appear there.
You can have amazing relationships even with people you sometimes disagree with. Respecting each other’s feelings, honesty and not taking things personally are one of the main things that help the relationship work.
These are some of the things I have learned so far. I’m still learning and developing new ways to stay true to myself yet have people that I love be a part of that.