I’m not doing good right now

Wednesday / September 16, 2020

I can’t help but start this story by expressing how much I dislike the new WordPress editor. I loved the old one so much, the new one is just weird and complicated. I have only one question; WHY?! I wish that was my only problem though, but nope, hehe, I’m honestly lost in all my worries, struggles and thoughts. I’m trying not to make a tragedy out of everything that life throws at me, but sometimes I just can’t help it. I try to tell myself ”it’s okay, it’s okay” but the truth is that, it’s not okay. I’m not okay, very often. I’m not okay with a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like I’m over everything, and the next day, I wake up heartbroken all over again. Healing takes a long time, I know. And I know I’m trying as hard as I can. It has not been easy for me, especially not over the past year and a half, after my grandma died. I get exhausted very quickly. My emotional pain has started to cause me physical pain too. Everything inside of a human being is so connected, it’s surreal. I believe a lot of you have tried to sleep for hours and hours and still woke up feeling tired. It’s because of what you carry in your mind my dear people. A tired mind equals a tired body. So what do we do? I have no idea. Maybe sit with our emotions for a little bit? Maybe try not to get rid of them for a little bit? Take deep breaths? Write it out, let it out? This helps me so much. I love writing so much because it’s my form of getting rid of the heavy weight that sometimes gets a little too comfortable on my chest. I don’t have the exact words to say how it feels but writing about it like this helps. It helps to just express that I’m not doing good right now. The ‘right now’ part is very important, because it describes only the current situation, not excluding the possibility of getting better someday soon. I’m not feeling my best today, however, I will keep hoping for a better tomorrow. Sometimes I’m done and find it hard to see any light, but I’ve got my angel up there that I must not disappoint. Three angels, in fact, that shine light on me. Even though they’re not here anymore, out of everything I have in life, right now, they’re what keeps me going the most and for that, I’m forever grateful. Now off to pull and all-nighter, your girl has an exam in the morning. Til next time!

To my grandparents; I love you and I miss you.

Thank you.

♡ Albesa 

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