Maybe you can help me (even just a little)

Sometimes it gets very hard. By very hard I mean feeling low to the point where you start questioning the strength that’s left in you. Writing about everything that’s in my heart makes me realize that there are so many things that make me unhappy and it’s just really sad when you keep writing about your emotions and most of them are negative. What do I do, my dear people? At this moment, I’m more lost than I’ve ever been. Here’s a little story. I’ve always wanted to be a good student, achieve something big and make my parents proud. I applied for college, got in and attended classes knowing that  I had mental health issues. You know what happened? It only got worse. I became even more depressed and even more anxious because I couldn’t focus and study. My parents kept asking me how it was going and each time it felt worse than the time before. I had to go to a place where I would be surrounded by hundereds of people and for an anxious person like me, it feels like hell. I knew I wasn’t ready for something that takes so much from a person but I rushed into it hoping I could make it somehow. The results are here. I feel like I have heavy weights on my back that none can take off me. I’m more depressed than ever and more miserable than ever. I’m trying to figure it out somehow, trying to make myself study and pass my exams but my dear people, I hope at least one of you, will be able to understand what’s it like to be a living mess, a person who struggles to calm their heartbeat that goes crazy because of anxiety caused by so many things at once. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between dropping out of college so I can focus on my mental health and keep living like this so I don’t have to deal with my parents and them being disappointed in me. I’ve never wanted to disappoint anyone, especially not my parents who have given me so many possibilities. I’ve never wanted to make my parents think that I’m ungreatful. I hope I can figure things out somehow because living like this is exhausting and I’m running out of fuel…What would you do?

Love, Albesa

p.s. any advice will be appreciated. 

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