[12:17 AM / Sunday / February 10, 2019.]
I used to wonder sometimes, ‘why me?’ ‘Why did all these things have to happen to me?’ Then I realized how selfish that was. If it didn’t happen to me, maybe it would’ve happened to someone else, someone I don’t even know. Maybe someone else wouldn’t be as patient as me. Maybe someone else wouldn’t take their pain and learn to exchange it for growth. Maybe someone else wouldn’t be an optimist and believe it gets better. Maybe someone else wouldn’t keep going. And since I’m here, alive, healthy and breathing, I guess it was meant to be for me. I don’t know how the universe works but maybe I was meant to save someone else. And even if I didn’t save anyone, I saved my stories, and that’s awesome too.
Everything feels a little strange. I’ve been pushing myself more than ever and, my dear people, I think it’s working. I’m not sure but I think I’ve noticed some changes in my wellbeing. Of course you can’t get better over night but small steps are progress as well. These small steps mean so much to me because they are proof that I’m not where I used to be. They are proof that I’m trying. I’ve been setting this ‘I can do it’ mindset right after waking up in the morning. It’s like I’m commanding myself to get up and try and I think that’s exactly what has made a change in my wellbeing. There are a lot of things I worry about but I’ve been trying really hard to calm myself down with positive thoughts. It’s super hard and it sometimes feels like I’m lying to myself but I know this is the right thing to do, I know I can’t just sit there and wait for a miracle to save me. I think what we all need to do is to set small goals and work little by little until we achieve them. One step at a time, no pressure, no hurry. Setting goals is important because it’s a step towards a better tomorrow. Big goals come from small ones so work on those first. Be your own priority, take care of yourself, believe in yourself, treat yourself the way you treat others, be careful with your time and energy, make sure you eat, drink and sleep well and be greatful for what you’ve been given. I believe in you and I believe in myself.
We got this.