Patience

[12:43 AM / Tuesday / April 10 2018]

While feeling low and fighting with emotional pain, I started considering patience a neccessity. Let me tell you why. Patience has saved me so many times. It has saved me from saying things out of anger, it has saved me from hurting myself and hurting the ones around me. More importantly, it has saved my sanity. It has made me stop and re-think and thanks to that, I made healthier and better decisions. I know there are people who are naturally a little temperament but I feel like patience is a quality that you can work on just like you work on some other skills, like riding a bike or dancing. I think it’s one of those things that can improve if you work on it hard enough. I know changing a part of your routine isn’t the easiest task in the world but the thing is that, the changes that are hard to make always turn out to be the most rewarding ones. I’ve always been a patient person but my patience wasn’t big enough back in 2013. when I first got anxiety and depression. I didn’t know how to deal with emotional pain since I had never experienced it before, it was scary, overwhelming and I felt like I was dying. I still struggle with emotional pain, however, I do have to say that nowadays I deal with it quite good since I’ve learned so many things over the years and one of them is how not to lose control. My way of dealing with depression and anxiety is isolation. I mostly rely on myself and my therapist when it comes to my depression. My best friends are also my big supporters and we’re always there for each other but since they have their own problems, my problems can get a little to much for them to handle which is why I prefer writing. I prefer being on my own when I’m having a hard time because it makes me search for solutions. My solution always happens to be patience. It could be that I’m under control of negative emotions which causes me pain and then what I usually do is write down what I can do to make it better. It’s always good to write about happy and beautiful things in life since those are the ones that make life worth living. While writing about those things, you actually remind yourself that not everything is as bad as it seems in those depressive hours. Writing down your goals boosts your patience levels because you imagine yourself in a better place than you are now and you actually want to stay alive to experience life from your imagination. And staying alive requires patience because life is not simple and we must learn how not to get hurt from every little thing that can happen. Not forcing things is also a form of patience. Be patient and see where things are going naturally, whether it’s about school, college, work, friendship or relationship. Forcing things that are clearly not functioning is not something you should insist on. It’s gonna make you feel exhausted because you’re not gonna get back that same energy you invest in other people. Try but make sure you know when to stop. Start working towards being your own priority. Patiently work hard and be aware that life doesn’t change overnight. Never stop creating yourself. Never stop learning things they never taught us in school. Life might be hard at the moment but remember that your life is gonna keep being the same as long as you keep doing the same things over and over again. Start changing your life by reading a book for example. I know that not everyone is a book person but the amount of knowledge and wisdom that is brought by books is amazing. They are a source of priceless information that can help you become a better/healthier person and are healthy for your brain which sometimes turns off after hours and hours of pointless scrolling your Instagram feed. Acknowledge what you haven’t developed yet and start working on it. Ask for help if you need to. Watch movies about it if you prefer that over reading books. Talk to strangers and older people. Just start somewhere. Become a better version of yourself, day by day. Work on your patience, take a deep breath when you feel like you’re going crazy, walk away when something makes you upset and don’t let that darkness take over you and make you do something you wouldn’t normally do. Acknowledge that not every situation requires your reaction. You can deal with things quietly, without causing any damage. 

The words written above are written based on my personal experience. I’ve learned that things that feel so far away are actually the things I can reach very fast if I start walking down the path of never-ending growth. 

Love, Albesa

It’s all good (ups and downs)

[6:30 PM / Friday / March 16 2018]

To be completely honest, I lose my inspiration quite often, especially when I feel down  for more than three days in a row. There is a lot of inspiration in the pain some of us experience but sometimes I just don’t want to write about it. Sometimes I just don’t want to give it so much attention. Then again, I love that I feel much better when I express my feelings through my stories, without having to talk to anyone or without having to worry if I’ve been understood or not. Emotions are worth writing about, good or bad, especially when you’re not really good at expresing them verbally, like me. It’s fine though. I don’t really have much to say, I had some really bad days, I had some better days but all in all it’s good that I always find a way to deal with everything. I’ve been doing more of what I love, which I had left behind completely. I feel much better because of it and I hope I continue like this. My advice for people who are struggling mentally is to spend time doing what you love. If you don’t have a problem with concentrating, read a book, little by little and then write whatever you remember about it. It’s good for your brain and for your mind. If a book doesn’t work, watch movies or tv-series, the ones that seem like you can learn something from. My leg has been hurt for the past five months and I can’t walk properly right now. I’m forced to stay at home which made me feel very miserable because I usually go for a walk every time I feel low. I go out and take some photographs of whatever catches my eye. I can’t do that right now so I took my camera and started taking photos of random things in my house. There are a lot of things I never paid attention to before and I never realized that until now. It helped a lot because it made me feel like I actually did something in my day, besides overthinking and making myself feel even worse. I also watched a lot of turkish movies which I’m completely impressed by. I also read 30 pages of a really good book the other day. I managed to focus and remember quite a lot from those 30 pages which made me extremely happy because it means that I’ve made some progress considering the fact that I couldn’t focus a few months ago when I had to study for my college exams which is partially why I was obligated to drop out and work on my mental health. I told myself I was gonna try to read more often from now on even if it doesn’t turn out the way I expect it to. What else should I mention? Oh yes, I cooked today. For the first time in a week which is unlike me. I usually cook every day but feeling low I had zero wish for none of these things until I told myself I had to stop spending my time like this. I made myself realize that I wasn’t gonna feel better by laying in bed and keeping my mind nowhere but where it’s not supposed to be. My dear people, try to get up and do something. Something small, just so you have something good to remember about today’s day. Step by step, day by day. Life is good when we manage to focus on the right things. Pain is not forever. Your wish to die is not forever. Stay alive and give yourself a chance to experience the joy of life, the joy of having your life together. Your past is not gonna be your future if you don’t let it be. Remember that life is gonna keep being the same as long as we keep doing the same things over and over again. What didn’t work once or twice is not gonna work the third time so start changing the smallest things in your routine. It’s gonna have a very positive effect on your life. Sleep enough and don’t stay up late. Eat food that is good for you so it doesn’t affect your energy and self-confidence. It’s gonna be fine, just keep going and keep fighting.

We got this.

Love, Albesa

Late night emotions, thoughts and imagination

[1:00 AM / Thursday / February 15 2018]

Sometimes it gets extra hard. Sometimes you feel like you can’t deal with anything anymore. The moment you start feeling like your chest is burning in a fire with no mercy; write, cry, scream, do whatever, just let it out. Let that painful monster get out of your chest so you can sleep peacefully, even just for an hour or two. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am anymore, I don’t know if I know anyone I’m surrounded by, I don’t know anything. Sometimes I believe that I’m strong enough to challenge myself and see how I’m gonna survive and sometimes I just want to stay in this dark room forever. Actually, it’s not that I want to do that, it’s just what I know and what I’m apparently good at, considering the fact that I’ve spent here almost five years. My heart is broken, my mind is confused and my body doesn’t feel any better either. Every little thing hurts. Every single one. There’s so much damage in me. Is it my fault? Am I responsible for this? Will I feel better if I blame someone else for my pain? Will I ever go out and feel alive like I used to? Will I ever go out and not feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack? There are many questions but zero answers. Why am I even looking for answers? They won’t heal my broken heart anyway, they won’t make me forget about my dissapointments. You know, I talk to people and I laugh with them and I think about how happy I seem to be. I come home and I wonder; do people ever suspect that I’m not doing well? Not that it matters, it’s just something I think about sometimes. People are such good actors. People choose to get burned in their own fire of feelings rather than openly saying how they really feel. The fear of saying it out loud is incredibly strong because our expectations don’t always match the reality. The fear of not knowing what’s gonna happen next is terrifying and that’s why we accept this painful zone rather than all the hard work required for getting out it, which to a lot of people, often feels impossible. It’s not impossible, it’s really not. The walls we build around us are our biggest enemies, they’re not our protectors as we think they are. Those walls are stopping us from doing what we want to do. We have plans, we have ideas and visions when we close our eyes but once we open them, everything is gone. Why? Why do we choose to just stare at these walls instead of smashing them somehow? Why don’t we get along and help each other more? Why do we get laughed at for every little thing, even for having feelings? Sometimes I look at the world and all I see is a blank canvas. It’s sad because the world is super diverse you know, there are so many things to see, so many people to meet, so many songs to listen to yet non of that is done. What does the world want? What do I want from myself? Will I ever stop thinking about the world which I can’t control? Will I ever find peace and get out of the dark room? I’m afraid of not being able to hope anymore. I’m afraid of not being able to make my dreams my reality. I’m afraid of not being able to smash the walls I have built over the years thinking that they’re gonna protect me. We can’t hide. We can’t run away from life and what happens in it on a daily basis. The goal is to learn to control our emotions and live normally with them inside of us. The goal is to find peace and believe that you can have a nice life after all the pain you have experienced. Write, cry, scream, ask for help, do whatever it takes but never let yourself think that the walls you built are your forever. Your forever is so much brighter than the dark room with no windows. Your forever is what you see when you close your eyes and no matter how awful you might feel at the moment, you’re still gonna find a way to smash every wall that’s infront of you stopping you from walking away from all the misery. These walls are not you, this misery is not you, this pain is not you. You are what you love and what you accept. Do you accept this? Close your eyes and look at your happy self in your imagination. It feels good, right? Does it remind you of how strong you actually are? Keep your eyes closed and keep looking at your happy self while you passionately smash those walls and create a window which is gonna bring you light. Use that window as an exit from that dark room. Create a stage out of those bricks of pain and get up there. Take a bow, walk away, chase your dreams and live.

Open your eyes and do that. 

Love, Albesa

You, your enviroment and making changes

[6:00 PM / Wednesday / January 17 2018]

We’re surrounded by so many people, so many things, so many options that we get lost trying to pick the best of everything. What is the best according to you? People surround themselves with so many other people. While trying to be in good terms with everyone, there’s a possibility you’ll end up having zero people you can call when you need someone to talk to. I’ve said this so many times but please be aware that no matter how nice you are, not everyone will like you. Be aware of the fact that you’ll never be able to please everyone. Write down people’s names and circle the ones who you can be truly honest with. Those are the ones who are worth it. Make sure you stay close only to those people who make you feel good. Make sure the people you’re surrounded by meet your standards of being a good friend. So, the best option according to me is to be friends with people who are there for you as much as you are there for them. Keep your circle small and appreciate the ones who never let you down. Make sure they know you’re thankful for them and that they can count on you anytime. If someone does something that damages your well-being, you have every right to distance yourself from them. Mental health and stability are priceless and no one has the right to take a piece of it from you. When it comes to money and material things, I try to save as much as possible and not spend my money on things I don’t need. For example: even though I don’t own a crazy lot of clothes, I still want to spend less money on it because I know I don’t need it as much as I buy it. I bought a lot of clothes in the past that ended up being worn only once or twice which is an unnecessary waste. I want to learn to manage my money better and not buy something just because I like it for a day or two. I’m teaching myself financial responsibility that way. I know I won’t always be able to afford something I will like and I don’t want to let that cause me negative emotions. I’m happy that I’m able to let it go and say ”It’s fine, I don’t need it anyway.” This proves that I don’t find satisfaction in material things more than I should which is a good sign. I’m learning every day. I’ve been appreciating time more than ever before because I spent so much of it not making any changes. I want to make a change every day now. A change that will help me feel better, live better and be a better person. It’s such a shame that we don’t see our possibilities and everything we’re capable of doing. It’s such a shame that we let our mindset us limits that in reality don’t even exist. It’s such a shame that we start to think we are what other people think of us. You’re doing good even when you think you’re wasting your time, you’re not to fat for that t-shirt, you’re not being lame when you’re being yourself. You’re so much more than your doubts. You’re so much more than an opinion of someone who doesn’t like you. People fail at different things many times but the key to success is not giving up. Fail, stand up, try again. Every failure is a lesson. Don’t judge yourself based on your past mistakes. Accept everything that happened and move on. The thing is that we change so much every day that we don’t even realize. We come to the point where we say ,,I’m not even that person anymore”, and it’s so true. You’re not your mistakes and everything you could have done better. I haven’t done big mistakes that haunt me but I do have some things I wish I could have done better. It’s fine I say. I can’t do anything about it, I can’t go back and change anything. What happened, happened. The point of your mistakes is to teach you things you’re not gonna do next time you find yourself in a simmilar situation. Pick the good things such as patience, tolerance, optimism out of everything bad. Those things are priceless. They can’t be given, they can’t be bought. They can only be found within you if you want to. If you can change something, do it. If you can’t, accept it and move on with your life. There are many things waiting for you to open your eyes while you’re sleeping and dreaming about changing something that can’t be changed.

I hope all of this makes some sense. Take care of yourself and the enviroment you’re in. We got this, my dear people. 

Love, Albesa

Who are you?

[2:24 AM / Friday / January 12 2018]

I’m not sure how this story is gonna turn out. I’m full of thoughts that I don’t know how to turn into words. I’ll try my best. Anyway, let’s start. I’m in that place in my life where all I want to do is work on myself and improve my life as much as possible. I’m in that place in my life where I no longer have space for negative energy, self-doubt and other ugly things that have dragged me down over the last four years. I don’t want to be on that same path anymore. I’m determined to grow as a person and learn about myself and the world as much as I possibly can. I’m working very hard on achieving stability, peace, harmony and confidence. I’m very happy about the fact that I’m so down for personal development and I’m even happier that I want to become the best version of myself for myself and not for someone else. It’s so imporant to work on accepting yourself the way you are and not feel pressured to be what other people expect you to be. I’ve been judged for my weight, my acne, my ears, my eyebrows and more. I have heard people commenting on my voice and the sound of my laughter which is honestly kind of crazy. Over the years, I became very self-conscious about everything written above. I started starving myself so I can be skinny as I was expected to be. I started to speak a little softer so that my voice wouldn’t sound raspy. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. Everything I thought about was the fact that ‘I wasn’t enough’. Everyone around me seemed to be so much better than me. I spent so much time having ugly and poisonous thoughts in my mind and then I asked myself: Who are you?I had no answers to that question. All I knew about myself was that I was unhappy. I had to make some changes as soon as possible. I became so self-conscious and so anxious about everything. I couldn’t leave the house without having anxiety attacks. I isolated myself and so many things changed. I started to spend time with myself and the things I love doing. I occupied myself with my own little world. I didn’t feel the need to impress anyone in my own little world, that’s why it felt so good and peaceful. My little world accepted me the way I was, which I hadn’t had felt in a long time. Little by little, my mindset started to change. My voice is raspy and I accept it. My acne isn’t that bad at all. My ear is really not ugly. This is what my world told me and guess what? I started to bring my own little world with me everywhere I went. It feels strange because I’m still struggling but I’m working on it. I want to get rid of self-doubt completely. I want to be able to talk to people without having to worry about what they’re gonna think of me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a work in progress. What I’ve noticed about myself is that I’ve come to the point where I feel like I know the person that I am. The girl I see in the mirror is not going to look back anymore because looking back makes her feel the same old pain over and over again. The girl I see in the mirror wants to move on and let go everything that’s been dragging her down. The girl I see in the mirror wants to live life peacefully, surrounded by people who appreciate her the way she appreciates them. I believe in improving myself and I want to do that every single day. Every single day is a new chance for learning something new about yourself and the world. Make the most out of your days. Appreciate your time. Work so hard on yourself until you’re no longer worried about the sound of your voice or the acne on your face. Work so hard on yourself until you no longer think that whatever you say sounds lame. Work so hard on yourself until you no longer feel the need to switch between three other versions of yourself depending on who you’re surrounded with. Work hard on yourself even after you’ve achieved what you wanted to achieve. You can never be too good or too smart or too nice. Be humble, be greatful, be nice to people, be nice to yourself. I hope all of you, my dear people,  including myself, make the most out of your life. I hope we all get to see that there’s so much more than pain, disappointments, doubt and sleepless nights. 

I ask myself; ‘Who are you?’ And guess what? I can’t choose between so many words I could say. Progress is precious.

Love, Albesa

A list of to-do things (kind of)

[11:37 PM / Monday / January 1 2018]

Another year of ups and downs is over. I thought about it a lot and it really was full of ups and downs, pretty much unstable to cut it short. I lost a lot of things and I gained a lot of things. Not too bad but not too good either. Out of every year I survived until now, this one was the hardest one for sure. I made it, I kept going, I’m alive and that’s why I’m saying; not too bad. I’d like to share with you a few things that I told myself I’m gonna work on more in the future. Let’s start with this one; avoid negative energy the way you avoid getting hit by a car. It doesn’t matter if you suffer from any kind of mental illness or not, take care of the enviroment you’re in. If something feels off and you can’t do anything about it, stay away from it for your own well-being. There’s a reason why it feels off and from my own experience, I believe a humans intuition is almost always the best thing to follow. I tell myself; believe in yourself more. The way people see you is not the way you are, it’s how they are. What people think of you and the things you do doesn’t define you at all. Some people will think you’re lame, some people will think you’re awesome. But that’s totally fine, we can’t be loved by everybody anyway. The sooner we understand that, the better. I tell myself: be nice to people. Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Choose your words carefully and try staying calm when you’re under control of negative emotions. I tell myself: don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t let other people’s success cause you negative emotions such as jealousy and self-doubt. Try seeing it as motivation instead. Let it inspire you and help you with your journey. How much you work for it is how much you’ll get it. It depends on none else but you. Another thing I tell myself: be your own best friend and don’t screw yourself. I’m saying this because I’m that person who always tries so hard to make everyone happy even if it means I have to let myself down. That is so wrong and irresponsible. It’s wrong and irresponsible because I try so hard to take care of my own well-being and then I do something that damages it. I must stop with that. I must set some limits. My advice for everyone including myself: let things go. Broken friendships,  relationships, dissapointments… Give yourself some time to go through it but make sure you don’t lose yourself in all the darkness. Accept things the way they are and move on. This includes people as well. If something you had with someone didn’t work once, twice or three times, it’s your time to finally get into your head that you’re no longer compatible with that one person you thought was the one, as a friend or as a lover, it doesn’t really matter. You can’t change anyone but yourself. You can’t keep thinking that ‘it’s gonna be different this time’ when the person you have a problem with doesn’t even see the wrongs they do to you. To keep yourself stable, stay close to what you love. People, places, hobbies. Spend your time with people who make who make you feel good, people who you can learn something from and people who inspire you. Go to places that make you feel happy you’re alive. Go to places where your hearts tells you to go. Do the things you’re passionate about. Whatever you do, make sure you do it with love. The last important thing I have to say: make sure you’re aware that you still have so much to learn. About yourself, about your family, about your friends, about strangers, about the world. There are so many good things you’ll discover that are gonna help you become the best version of yourself. Keep working on yourself and your personal development. Once you’re there don’t forget to help others get there too. 

I wish you love and light, my dear people.

Love, Albesa 

A result of a sleepless night

[7:52 AM / Monday / November 27 2017]

I’m starting this post without really knowing how it’s gonna end. I just want to write something because my chest is starting to feel a little heavy. I haven’t slept all night, a little because of my messed up sleeping schedule, a little because of my anxiety that usually kicks in before I put my phone down right when I’m about to sleep. I’m getting better though, I’m excited about occupying myself with what is good for me. I’m not a professional when it comes to mental health, I don’t always have the right words to say to a person who is dealing with something hurtful. I’m not sure if I can always console another person and make them feel better about a certain situation. What I do know is that I understand people more than ever. Being depressed all my teenage years made me learn so much about humans, how it all works, why it works like that and, of course, how to stop it. I’ve watched so many videos, documentaries and tv shows, I’ve read so many articles and books trying to find answers to my question which was ”how do I get out of this”. How do I stop suffering so much, how do I stop letting every single thing hurt me. The thing is that over the years we create a certain image of everything and everyone around us. The image we have is what we believe is truthful and once we find out we’ve been fooled by our own selves and others, it’s a big thing to deal with because you pretty much feel like your entire life was a lie before you actually saw the truth. We all expect big things from ourselves which we may not achieve at the same exact time we want to. That exact thing happened to me. The image I had of some things were so perfect and once I got to see the truth it broke my heart into a million tiny pieces and four years later I’m still on that same boat picking up those tiny pieces of my broken heart. I’ve been disappointed, hurt, lied to, fooled, left behind. I was dealing with multiple eating disorders at the time when it all started. I had noticed becoming anxious because of the way I thought / saw about myself. To cut it short, I became an incredible mess. I couldn’t deal with myself and how I felt all the time. Years after, I’m here writing this post knowing that to this day, no matter how I’ve felt, I’ve survived 100% of those awful days. From the absolute worst ones, to those a little bit better ones and to these ones right now when I feel smarter than ever. More hopeful than ever and more mature than ever. It’s good to know that even though I’ve been depressed most of my time over the last four years, I still managed to get up and live through everything. Depression took a lot from me. I islolated myself which is why my ‘friends’ gave up on me (I’m actually thankful for this because, in my opinion, a person who is not there for you when you’re at your worst can’t be your friend), I failed my driving test so many times because I couldn’t focus and drive properly which made me question if I’m even capable of driving. I was forced to drop out of college because I couldn’t study for all of my exams, which was a huge disappointment for my parents who are the ones I love and cherish more than anyone else. I was forced to deal with the thought of being ‘stupid’ for a little while, until I got profesionally diagnosed with depresson and anxiety which explains why my concentration drops all of a sudden or why I can’t sleep when I need to sleep. Depression either makes you sleep too much or it either takes your sleep away which happened to me. No sleep, no concentration, no nothing. All you do is just overthink, worry and stress. How is a human being supposed to function like that? Study with zero concentration? Drive with zero concentraction? I’m actually thankful I haven’t gotten my license yet because to be fair, my depression could take over me any time which means concentration drop which could lead to a car accident and that’s definitely not how a mature person acts. If you know you’re not in a state for something, just don’t do it. Don’t risk things getting even worse than they already are. Stay patient and smart. I know it’s hard to deal with things, I know it’s hard to deal with your ‘failures’. Remind yourself that depression is not something you choose, which means that you didn’t choose to fail at anything. Remind yourself that you’ve gained so much from being hurt, you’ve proved yourself that at the end of the day, you can still close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and just remind yourself that you’re still alive. To me, that is a strong person. A person who keeps going, a person who keeps hoping and fighting for their progress in life no matter the fact that they’ve been broken for such a long time. I wish I could express how much love and hope I have for people who struggle to live normally yet they make it to another sunshine every single day. If you’re one of those people, let me tell you that I’m proud of you. Never stop working on yourself, never stop hoping and never think of yourself as ‘not good enough.’ You’re so much more than just enough. I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as perfect timing but if there is one, yours is about to come. Everything you thought you would never achieve will come to you, just stay patient and keep trying. Chin up, keep going. We got this.

My heart broke down into a million tiny pieces of pain, but I’m picking up pieces of hope now.

Love, Albesa

You live for yourself, I live for myself

Yes, you live for yourself. Not for your mom, dad, sisters, brothers, friends or whoever comes to your mind. This is your life. It’s the only thing you can control as much as you want. I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to live their way. I don’t like rules. I don’t like to do things others want me to, such a thing makes me extremely anxious because there are things people want me to do that I don’t feel passionate about and doing things without love and passion has always resulted with failure. And I know it because I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I kept things to myself to keep others protected and it was a failure because it did so much damage to me. I felt fire caused by so many things burning inside of me, yet I had to act ice-cold so that people wouldn’t be worried about me. You know what? I don’t think I’m that ”protective” anymore. I look around and I don’t see a single person who does the same thing as me. I never do things expecting to get something in return but I don’t do things expecting to suffer either. I’m done. From now on, I want to make plans that are good and convenient for me without thinking about what others will think about it. That is not my problem. I don’t want to deal with that. I choose to free myself from that. It may sound selfish but, my dear people, we will never be able to please everyone. Never ever. There is no such a thing. What we are able to do is please ourselves. We must live the lives we want to, the lives that are results of our own decisions made with love and passion. My therapist once told me; ”Albesa, you’re acting like a superhero. You must never hurt yourself in order to keep someone else safe. That’s not the role you have in your life.” I thought about it a lot and yes, it’s true. I can’t save people from life and getting hurt. All of the things we go through are life. Sometimes they’re the consequences of our decisions, sometimes they’re not. What I’m trying to say is that we should make decisions that make us happy. Decisions that don’t bring hurtful consequences along. Decisions that give us hope, positive energy and something to look forward to. That’s the least we can do for ourselves. About what others do; we can have opinions but we can’t stop anyone from their decisions. The result of their decisions is going to hurt them more than anyone else but we can’t stop it, we can’t prevent it. We make decisions based on what we want and sometimes what we want is not the best for us but that’s not something we know while making a certain decision. If people knew something is going to hurt them, I don’t think they would do it. When people repeat their mistakes, when they keep doing things that hurt them in the past, they do it because they think that it’s gonna be ”different this time.” People will live, make decisions, make mistakes, get hurt, learn, keep going, be happy and more. I’ll figure it out, we’ll figure it out, they’ll figure it out. That’s why I choose to live for myself, I choose not to worry so much about what I can’t do. If my decisions hurt me, I accept it. I accept it as long as I know that I made those decisions thinking they were the best for me. If I did it thinking they for the best for someone else, then I choose to think that suffering is my punishment from the universefor not doing what I must to; taking care of myself and being my own priority. Stop thinking so much about others and give more love and attention to yourself. Care more about yourself. None else is going to do that for me. Or for you. That’s one of a kind thing that has to be done by ourselves and for ourselves. That’s our role in life.

You can do things for other people, of course you can. Just make sure they don’t make you unhappy. Make sure they don’t affect you in a negative way. Take care of yourself.

Love, Albesa