Tuesday / May 5, 2020
Angel on the sky,
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. I know you would absolutely hate to see me like this but I just miss you so, so much. I think of you every day and every night. I’m looking for signs that you’re somewhere near all the time. Some days I feel like I have it together pretty well, and some days, well, I fall apart a little bit. Just a little bit, don’t worry!! I promise, even on days like these, when I feel absolutely heartbroken, I try to push myself to fight, and to be better, in every way possible. Because of you. For you. You’re the reason. You’re the source of my strength when I feel like I have non of it left. Because you were the one who always believed in me. I remind myself of that every single day. You were the one who never doubted me. You were both, a mother and a father to me. I just love(d) you so much. I love(d) you as a person, not just because of the fact that you were my grandma. You were everything that I admire in other people. Your heart, your soul, your mind, everything was so pure about you. And your hands, oh so, so warm. I’m trying hard, I promise I am. But it’s not easy. It’s hard, extremely hard. I feel the need to talk to you and hear your soft voice telling me that it’s gonna be fine. I don’t believe it when someone else says it, I do feel bad for saying it but I just don’t. Those words would only calm me down when you were the one telling them. The entire world could come together and shout at me telling me that ‘it’s gonna be fine’ and I still wouldn’t believe it. Because the entire world doesn’t mean to me as much as you do. The entire world doesn’t know why I need those words so badly; you do. I will keep trying to be the best version of myself every day so that I can continue to be your favorite granddaughter. It’s nice to know that I was your favorite because you were my favorite too. And truthfully, you will always continue to be; no matter how far away from me you’ve gone.
Wherever you are, I hope you’re in peace.
Don’t worry about me.
I love you and I miss you beyond words.